“He’s not much of a legal mind, but boy can he proofread….”
It’s that time again to visit the bitter, twisted, and hilarious Justice Bedsworth: “March 2015 – In Dog We Trust,” by Justice William W. Bedsworth. (You can read the Judge’s April 2015 “A Criminal Waste of Space” column, too.)
And if you want to see the yes, it’s a true story, rug, just search Google Image for these words: pinellas county sheriff’s office rug in dog we trust
Justice Bedsworth, in A Criminal Waste of Space, August 2014:
“Deciding Between Comfort Animals and Comfort Food,” by Justice William W. Bedsworth
Excerpt: “Edward O. Wilson is a biologist. A very perceptive biologist. He sums up the human condition this way, “We have Paleolithic emotions, medieval institutions, and god-like technology.”
“Interactive Urinal Cakes,” by Justice William W. Bedsworth, in the OC Lawyer, December 2013:
Excerpts (footnotes omitted, but always worth reading):
‘Yep, that’s what it says. Interactive urinal cakes…. Apparently, someone noticed that a man who has had too much to drink may be unsteady on his feet. This might cause his stream into the urinal to waver, thereby betraying his inebriation. Inability to keep the urinal stream aimed correctly is probably directly proportional to inability to keep an automobile aimed correctly.
If you need a laugh from the bench of the funniest judge in California (I can’t speak for the rest of the country – in fact I can’t even really speak for California – ahem), read OC Lawyer Magazine columnist, Justice Bedsworth (yes, he’s a real judge!), in his December 2012 column, “Dog Days in New Mexico”
Not many judges can get Strindberg, Vaughn, New Mexico, and dog Nikka, the only state certified “police officer” in town in the same paragraph. But Justice Bedworth can.
If you’ve never read about erratic judges, the Australian’s “nuckin futs” problem, and the “Sofa King” in the same article, you just aren’t reading enough legal literature. (Judges and criminal law attorneys have the best stories, with consumer law attorneys not far behind.)
In the July 2012 issue of the OCBA Lawyer, Appellate Court Justice Bedsworth’s “A Criminal Waste of Space” column cheers us up immeasurably with:
The Justice’s May 2012 Criminal Waste of Space column in the OC Laywer takes on a crime “wave” (rather a crime “splutter”) in Laguna Beach:
“Dispatches From Lesotho”: The Good Justice Examines Urban—Well, Kind Of Urban—Crime,” by Justice William W. Bedsworth:
“…You can’t follow Shakespeare with How I Met Your Mother. You can’t follow The Firebird Suite with a Pontiac Firebird. When you get to pantsless men standing on rocks and hollering, you just gotta stop….”
If U.S. Supreme Court Justices can rise above their Green Bag bobblehead replicas, and state court judges survive becoming piñatas, then surely the Department of Homeland Security can survive Justice Bedsworth’s forked tongue (and the Peter Principle)?
“Weaponized Snow Cones,” by Justice William W. Bedsworth, A Criminal Waste of Space, February 2012:
“I am not cut out to be an administrator. I have neither talent for, nor interest in, things administrative.
California appellate court’s Justice Bedsworth stifles a gag (mostly) in his latest monthly column, “Criminal Waste of Space,” in the Orange County Bar Association’s monthly magazine, September 2011 OC Lawyer
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